If that wasn’t bad enough, people would come up to me, grinning ear to ear. Oh no, these people were coming up to me looking for work! I worked at an M/E/P design firm. Most of our work was as a sub. I had no work to give these people. And even if I did, I had no authority to give it to them. And worst of all, I could tell these people were being FAKE. So, those encounters were even more awk- ward because I was immediately on the defensive. And guess how much work I brought in from these events. That’s right, none! Did I mention I hated network- ing events? How I learned to stop being FAKE and enjoy networking One day, I met a guy who literally changed my life. You probably know who I’m talking about. I cold called him ask- ing for some help and he went well out of his way to help me. This guy didn’t know me from Adam. I was impressed. So, I researched him. What was his deal? I learned he was a Christian, which coming from a strict Methodist family at least gave me confidence that this guy was on the up and up. I read his writing and it turned my world upside down. In short, what the network- ing approach this guy promoted seemed batsh*t crazy. But at this point, I had failed enough to at least listen. The secret to successful networking We eventually became friends. And he taught me the secret of successful networking, which was to completely change my mindset. He said instead of getting something from people at these events, my goal was to help them. It was almost like a game (and I love games). How many peo- ple in this room can I help? He even brought me down to Washington, D.C. to see him in action. It was impressive. Everyone loved this guy. Who wouldn’t love someone that helped everybody every- day. And this guy was bringing in millions for his firm. I tried his approach. It was a huge relief. It was no longer awkward to go up to people because I was going up to de- termine how I could help them, not to get something from them. And when people would come up to me, I had no work to give them but I had to figure out what I could do to help them in some way. It was a very intriguing game. And best of all, I could be myself. It didn’t matter what I wore. It didn’t matter what I said (as long as it was in the realm of decency). I could be myself as long as I found a way to help everyone I met. I could be genuine. I could be Matt. I was now more comfortable at networking events. I was much more effective. And I was being me. It turns out it was MY approach, the approach everyone else was also using, that was batsh*t crazy, not his. I was trying to be someone else. What was I thinking? Being genuine The line between being genuine and being fake is thin. We feel we have to be our best at business functions. But here is the thing that boggles my mind… About Matt Handal Matt has written the book, Proposal Development Secrets: Win More, Work Smarter, and Get Home on Time. He is also a co-author of the Marketing Handbook for the Design & Construction Professional and author of the Society for Marketing Professional Services’ research white paper on “Marketing to the Mind.” You can see his blog at www.helpeverbodyeveryday.com. Whenever someone comes up to me and is playing “Mr./Ms. Super Friendly Networker,” when they really aren’t, I can spot that immediately. Humans are amazing at identifying patterns. It’s really our evolutionary advantage. So, when someone is being fake, we can tell. We immedi- ately don’t trust them because we know they are being dis- honest on some level. We can always tell when someone is being fake. Yet, we think our clients or contemporaries somehow lack that ability. It’s ludicrous. Of course they possess the same in- nately human abilities we do. They can tell when we are being fake. So, stop being fake. Be real. Be genuine. Be yourself, but behave within the bounds of professionalism. Don’t be mean. Don’t show prejudice. Don’t be vulgar. But be you. You are awesome. We want to see you. We want to meet you. We can tell when you are not being you. You are not fooling anyone. We don’t trust people who are fake. We don’t like people who are being fake. You are not gaining anything by being fake. Even if you didn’t buy Networking Like an Introvert (that guy’s book). Even if you choose not to help everybody everyday. At least choose to be genuine, because other- wise you are kicking yourself in the foot. Key Takeaway: Be real. We’ll thank you for it and you’ll benefit. Do we really think people can’t tell when we are being fake? The Canadian Design and Construction Report — Fall 2014 – 11